I think there's a distinction to be made between VA/Vet's programs and AA programs.
Outside of being incapacitated, one can choose to join the military and benefit from the program(s). One doesn't choose their race/ethnicity, so they haven't taken positive action to "join" the group that benefits.
That reminds me of the post (mobell's??) on another thread where it was asked "if you were gonna get a URM bonus, would you "be" a URM and take the *&^% that's associated with it? (and vice versa)". I wish that were an option, so people on both sides could put their money where their mouths are.
In any case, like someone said before, I think AA programs are necessary evils. I also think most people accept this view. The bigger problem, IMO, is if/when at some future time we have to take these programs away (if they've made things more or less equal). I could see a lot more anger then. It's sort of like when you let the cat out of the bag, ya know?