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Author Topic: ZAP is taking questions about subjects he deems "cool".  (Read 5501 times)

The ZAPINATOR

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ZAP is taking questions about subjects he deems "cool".
« on: December 15, 2004, 02:53:00 PM »
OK, people.  Listen up.  Here's the deal.  I'm about to answer questions, because like Superiorlobe and that guy answering dragon questions, I feel my expert knowledge and expertise about all things cool can really make a difference in your lives.

However, be advised.  I will not necessarily answer all questions.  I will only answer those questions that I deem to either be "cool" or relating to "cool" topics.  Discretion as to what constitutes the aforementioned types of questions rests with me and me alone. 

If I consider your question to be extra-cool, you will get some "cool points".  The more extra-cool questions you ask, the higher your cool point tally.  Ultimately, if you rack up enough cool points, they will be redeemable for various commodities.  These commodities include deep thoughts relating to all things cool, by me.  That is also what they are limited to, so do not try to redeem them for anything else.

Well, that's it, and those are the ground rules.  Let the cool questioning begin!  Fire away.

Too cool for (law) school,

ZAP

buster

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Re: ZAP is taking questions about subjects he deems "cool".
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2004, 02:55:55 PM »
What does ZAP look like, and why?

The ZAPINATOR

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Re: ZAP is taking questions about subjects he deems "cool".
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2004, 03:00:19 PM »
What does ZAP look like, and why?

This is an excellent question, relating to something infinitely cool: ZAP's appearance.

ZAP looks cool.  In a nutshell, picture everything cool you can think of in the universe.  Then, picture yourself mixing all those things together into a cool witches' brew that's actually pretty hot because it has to boil.  Then, after you mix it, picture yourself pouring all the coolness mixture into a human body shaped version of an ice cube tray, and let it cool.  When it is cool, and has learned how to type, it will resemble the coolness that is ZAP's appearance.

Since this question was related to a very cool subject, you get 1 cool point.

Moreover, ZAP has really cool hair, especially when it's not combed.  ZAP's friend told him just last night, in fact, that he should never comb his hair because it looked ridiculously cool when he woke up after his cooltime nap.  ZAP agreed that his hair was ridiculously cool, but was afraid he would get fired if he started taking his cool hair with him to work.  Thus, he elected to brush it this morning.  Yet, he brushed it in a cool style, mind you.

ZAP

buster

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Re: ZAP is taking questions about subjects he deems "cool".
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2004, 03:02:22 PM »
If you answer another question by discussing your hair I will no longer read this thread.

Feel free to fine me my coolness point for that insolent outburst.

foxnewssucks

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Re: ZAP is taking questions about subjects he deems "cool".
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2004, 03:05:45 PM »
in book II of the Republic, Thrasymachus leaves the argument he is having with Socrates rather quickly because he gets flustered and believes that Socrates is just twisting his words around.  Does Hobbes take up Thrasymachus's position in the Leviathan? Especially the points on how humans are only motivated out of self-interest and the fact that we are in war with each other at all times? and then how does Locke synthesize the two positions in his 2nd treatise ?

Thanks.

The ZAPINATOR

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Re: ZAP is taking questions about subjects he deems "cool".
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2004, 03:09:26 PM »
If you answer another question by discussing your hair I will no longer read this thread.

Feel free to fine me my coolness point for that insolent outburst.

I'll do you one better: I'll dock you one point for that insolent outburst, and a second point for good measure, to make an example and show that i'm not fooling around with these coolness points.  You're now officially one coolness point in the hole.  Congratulations.

The first thing to remember about coolness is that it intrinsically revolves around hair.  In the world of cool, we immediately make judgment calls about people based upon length and style of hair.  You know this.  Why do you try my coolness patience?  Just look at someone we all consider to be cool.  James Dean.  His hair is an essential coolness factor.  Or look at someone with a different style of cool hair, who is still pretty badass.  For instance, John Lennon in his Jesus beard phase.

ZAP

The ZAPINATOR

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Re: ZAP is taking questions about subjects he deems "cool".
« Reply #6 on: December 15, 2004, 03:16:24 PM »
in book II of the Republic, Thrasymachus leaves the argument he is having with Socrates rather quickly because he gets flustered and believes that Socrates is just twisting his words around.  Does Hobbes take up Thrasymachus's position in the Leviathan? Especially the points on how humans are only motivated out of self-interest and the fact that we are in war with each other at all times? and then how does Locke synthesize the two positions in his 2nd treatise ?

Thanks.

This question, I hate to say, is not cool.  It does not even regard a cool topic.  HOWEVER, it is peripherally related to one of the coolest things of all time: Socrates' philosopher beard.

We have seen many excellent examples of the philosopher beard throughout time, but all philosopher beards can be traced back to the mack daddy of them all: Socrate's beard (which can in turn be traced back to the mack daddy of all cool beards period, the Moses beard).  Socrates' beard was a sight to behold.  Long, curly and unkempt, yet strangely docile, it was one of the great unsung natural wonders of the ancient world. 

You ever read the nonsense he said in Plato's books?  You think he got famous for that stuff, and had books dedicated to him because of all that drivel?  Nonsense.  It was the beard, and the coolness.  Plato's Republic is actually a direct monument to the eternal coolness of Socrates' beard.  Plato himself tried to emulate it, but was unable.  Only Aristotle even remotely came close.

FYI, a modern incarnation of the philosopher beard can be found on one of my favorite pseudo-philosophers: Santa Claus!  And thus, while this question wasn't cool necessarily, it did lead to observations on coolness that were quite seasonal. 

You get 1/8 of a coolness point.

ZAP

bballjones

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Re: ZAP is taking questions about subjects he deems "cool".
« Reply #7 on: December 15, 2004, 03:21:59 PM »
How many cool points do I need to reach the coolness of Zap?

trogdor

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Re: ZAP is taking questions about subjects he deems "cool".
« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2004, 03:27:42 PM »
does zap like techno music?
"If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever." Orwell

The ZAPINATOR

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Re: ZAP is taking questions about subjects he deems "cool".
« Reply #9 on: December 15, 2004, 03:32:36 PM »
How many cool points do I need to reach the coolness of Zap?

Maybe some.  But then again, you may not need any.  Most people misunderstand the way cool points work.

Cool points work very much like points that aren't cool: AD&D points.  Everyone gets their initial cool points tally when they are born, and then as they "level up" through life (at birthdays and such) their cool level starts to go either up, or down (this is one way that these points are different from AD&D points, which do not go down).  If they listen to cool music, have cool hair, hang out with cool people and smoke cigarettes, their cool level goes up.  If they do too much math, wear bow ties, get into too much credit card debt or pick their nose and eat it in public, their cool level goes down.

So cool points exist to even the score.  As people get more cool points, it boosts their cool stats.  They can allocate these points in any way they'd like.  For instance, say their hair isn't cool, but their clothes are, because they wear leather and spikes all the time.  Say this same person has 7 cool points.  Obviously, this person would want to apply the majority (maybe all) of these points to their hair.  Of course, no one would know their hair was significantly cooler just by looking, but the person could then make a sign with paper and markers and tape it to the back of their shirt, saying something like "6 cool points credited to hair".  Then people would understand, and give the hair the coolness respect and awe it otherwise would lack.

Why 6 points and not 7?  Glad you asked!  Say this person doesn't smoke, he or she could apply a cool point to "smokes" and make a note of that.  In that case, he or she could hang out with people smoking cigarettes in a circle, looking cool.  

The other use of cool points, for those who are already beyond cool and have no need for them, is to redeem them for my coolness wisdom.  That usage for cool points was mentioned before.

Now, I don't know what your current coolness level is, so you may already be getting close to the coolness that is ZAP (unlikely, but entirely possible).  But just for in case you need them, and to get you off to a good start, I'm giving you a pre-emptive starter pack of exactly 3 cool points.  Congratulations, and use them as needed.

ZAP