Law School Discussion

My life story,,,,,,,

DOWNY COOLEY

My life story,,,,,,,
« on: November 18, 2004, 10:11:01 PM »
This is the story of a lone warrior. This is the story of a god among mortals. This is the story of DOWNY.

A couple years ago DOWNY and a good friend were minding their own business, driving DOWNY’s then-Explorer down Cranbrook and smoking a fairly sizable joint. Things were going great- I was high as sh*t and driving a very large vehicle well over the speed limit. DOWNY and friend decided to head to a movie theatre, as there isn’t all that much to do when you’re stoned. Plus, driving while high is risky, so we wanted to get out of the car.

Well, as we continued up the road we saw the scum of the earth- no, not Cooley grads. Bike riders.

I f-ing HATE BIKE RIDERS. What pieces of sh*t- where do they get off? (With the exception of Draino) they’re a bunch of losers-fuckers, almost as bad as hippies.

Well, I am already pissed just by seeing them. Then, as if they knew what I was thinking, they pulled into the CENTER of the lane and slowed traffic. I was driving a large vehicle and was high as sh*t, causing me to seriously consider running them over to see if they would cause a bumping sensation or if the Explorer would just plow over them like ragdolls and I would drive away as fast as I could.

I begin the normal process of dealing with bike riders. First, speed up and tailgate the sh*t out of them. This is easy, as large SUVs go faster than douchefuckers on bikes. If that doesn’t work, honk the horn. If that doesn’t work, roll down the window and yell, calling them pieces of sh*t and ass-eaters.

Well, they looked back at me and laughed. THEY f-ing LAUGHED.

I was livid. My f-ing blood was boiling. “I’m running them over, taking their wallets to get their addreses and running over their f-ing families!” “No DOWNY, then we will miss the movie.”

Good thing my friend was there to talk sense into me.

But nonetheless something had to be done. I WILL NOT DRIVE AROUND THEM. Only losers-fuckers do that. In life if someone gets in your way, do you move? #@!* NO. You wreck their sh*t and then go after their family, their pets and everyone they know. This is obvious.

Thinking quickly, I look around the car for something to throw. YES! An enormous water bottle. The irony strikes my stoned brain immediately- hitting a hippy bike rider with bottled water is awesome.

I swerve onto the shoulder, to the right. I pull up next to them, window down, arm raised.

I yell “EAT sh*t FUCKERS!” and hurl the full water bottle as hard as I possibly can.

I hit the man/husband/loser in the right shoulder, just behind his arm. I see the water bottle leap out of my hand in slow motion, spiraling toward him. DIRECT HIT! The bottle slams against the blue Spandex, causing instant shock on his face.

Then, the greatest thing ever happened.

HE f-ing FELL OVER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

I just about slammed on the breaks. Not to help him, mind you- to sit and laugh like an @sshole.

But, realizing that I might go to jail, I sped away like a d.ick. I am awesome.

HEY BAR EXAM: ONE TIME I WAS HIGH AND DRIVING AND I CAUSED AN ACCIDENT ON PURPOSE AND COMMITTED BATTERY AND THEN I LAUGHED ABOUT IT AND DROVE AWAY, THEREBY LEAVING THE SCENE OF AN ACCIDENT.

How’s that “character and fitness,” mother.fucker?!

HTH
DOWNY