Law School Discussion

Nine Years of Discussion
;

Author Topic: grammar questionw  (Read 367 times)

Engilaw

  • Guest
grammar questionw
« on: October 09, 2004, 10:53:38 AM »
is this a good sentence:

During my junior year, I had received multiple latenesses for homeroom, most seemed to be given arbitrarily. 

or is "most seemed to be given arbitrarily" an independent clause that needs to be separated?

Suggestions?

Engilaw

!@#$%

  • Global Moderator
  • Sr. Citizen
  • ****
  • Posts: 1198
    • View Profile
Re: grammar questionw
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2004, 11:24:44 AM »
"Most seemed to be given arbitrarily" is not an independent clause, and is also passive voice.  Since I don't know the context, I can't think at the moment of any particularly good ways of rephrasing the sentence.  HTH

lexylit

  • Guest
Re: grammar questionw
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2004, 04:07:38 PM »
that's a run-on; if you want the sentence to stand as is, change the second comma to a semicolon (or period). "latenesses" isn't much of a word though.

awnice79

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 24
    • View Profile
    • Email
Re: grammar questionw
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2004, 08:32:32 PM »
I don't like "During" because it indicates continued action--I'd use "in."  Also, why the past perfect tense?  I'd just say "i received."  Also, there's too much passive voice going on.  And as for "most seemed to be given arbitrarily,"  you have to reword or discard it.  What do you mean here?  It wasn't your fault that you were late?  In that case it's not that the write-ups were arbtitrary, rather they were unjust/unfair.  Or do you really mean that sometimes when you were late you were written up and sometimes not.  I'd really like to know how this figures in to a statement.

Good luck!