Law School Discussion

Poll

yay or nay?  yes, this is heteronormative, i know i know.

a. yay
46 (74.2%)
b. nay
16 (25.8%)

Total Members Voted: 61

Girl taking guy's last name after marriage

Re: Girl taking guy's last name after marriage
« Reply #20 on: April 10, 2008, 07:07:12 AM »
I got married last summer and I had a tough time with this decision.  I ended up changing my name.  I want to have the same last name as my future children, and I'd like to be the "xxx family".  But I had a hard time giving up my own name for his.

TITCR

When you are married you become one unit and a new family. And yes that entails losing some of your precious individualism. Both partners haveing the same last name helps create a sense of unity and would possibly confuse a child. The fact that the husband's surname is kept (in western culture) is simply a matter of tradition and is of little importance to me. Furthermore, if a woman decides to keep "her" surname it is likely to be "her father's" surname and does little to break the cycle of male oppression that the fairer sex has endured since the Agricultural Revolution. The only way to truly rise above the inherent sexism of this tradition would be to create a new surname which expresses your empowerment as a woman.

Lastly, there are situations where I think it would make sense for a woman to not change her last name. My sister, for example, is a single mother. Her daughter has her last name because the father was worthless and out of the picture by the time my niece was born. Currently, my sister is engaged to another man and she has decided not to take his last name because that would a)single out my niece as the only member of the family with a different last name or b)create an identity crisis in my young niece by asking her to change her last name. Obviously, this is a less than ideal situation which I feel warrants a break from tradition. To do so for some feminist or individualist reasons does not make logical sense.


Hey, thanks for telling me what happens when I get married! I totally had no idea! You really opened my eyes here and told me what's what! I bet your sister's also grateful for your seal of approval, finally, as to her life choices!

 ::)

And ftr: I didn't have a strong opinion about this until recently, but I was thinking about it, and it would be so weird for me to suddenly have a new name. This is the name I came into the world with, and I don't think getting married means that I change sufficiently that I have to change all that too. Also my name is google-able and my name w/ my SO's name wouldn't be. Also it would be alliterative and very hard on the lispers among us. So...no. Probably.

BearlyLegal

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Re: Girl taking guy's last name after marriage
« Reply #21 on: April 10, 2008, 07:10:20 AM »
Regardless of what the hypothetical wife does, my kids are going first name only (Brazilian Style).  I'm thinking Nene and Kaka.
I see where you are coming from, and Nene is a fine name... but...

For the love of god, if you love your child and intend to send them to American public school, do not under any circumstances name them "Kaka".

TNGA60

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Re: Girl taking guy's last name after marriage
« Reply #22 on: April 10, 2008, 07:28:12 AM »
I got married last summer and I had a tough time with this decision.  I ended up changing my name.  I want to have the same last name as my future children, and I'd like to be the "xxx family".  But I had a hard time giving up my own name for his.

TITCR

When you are married you become one unit and a new family. And yes that entails losing some of your precious individualism. Both partners haveing the same last name helps create a sense of unity and would possibly confuse a child. The fact that the husband's surname is kept (in western culture) is simply a matter of tradition and is of little importance to me. Furthermore, if a woman decides to keep "her" surname it is likely to be "her father's" surname and does little to break the cycle of male oppression that the fairer sex has endured since the Agricultural Revolution. The only way to truly rise above the inherent sexism of this tradition would be to create a new surname which expresses your empowerment as a woman.

Lastly, there are situations where I think it would make sense for a woman to not change her last name. My sister, for example, is a single mother. Her daughter has her last name because the father was worthless and out of the picture by the time my niece was born. Currently, my sister is engaged to another man and she has decided not to take his last name because that would a)single out my niece as the only member of the family with a different last name or b)create an identity crisis in my young niece by asking her to change her last name. Obviously, this is a less than ideal situation which I feel warrants a break from tradition. To do so for some feminist or individualist reasons does not make logical sense.


Hey, thanks for telling me what happens when I get married! I totally had no idea! You really opened my eyes here and told me what's what! I bet your sister's also grateful for your seal of approval, finally, as to her life choices!

 ::)

And ftr: I didn't have a strong opinion about this until recently, but I was thinking about it, and it would be so weird for me to suddenly have a new name. This is the name I came into the world with, and I don't think getting married means that I change sufficiently that I have to change all that too. Also my name is google-able and my name w/ my SO's name wouldn't be. Also it would be alliterative and very hard on the lispers among us. So...no. Probably.

 Calm down, stop the yelling. I am not condemning any woman who decides to keep her surname. However, it is my opinion, as a knuckle dragging male, that this new trend accomplishes little in most situations but I do recognize that there are exceptions. And yes my sister respects my opinion as I her's and we constantly seek out each other for advice. Surprisingly, many people do request other's opinions when making difficult decisions but that may sound odd to a lone gun like you.

TNGA60

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Re: Girl taking guy's last name after marriage
« Reply #23 on: April 10, 2008, 07:30:30 AM »
this is fun

MahlerGrooves

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Re: Girl taking guy's last name after marriage
« Reply #24 on: April 10, 2008, 07:35:19 AM »
I'm getting married in the summer, and my SO is taking my last name.  We did have a deal though, that if we got married before she finished her degree she would take it and if we got married after she finished, she wouldn't.

Plus, she really likes my last name.

I mean, if she really didn't want to, it wouldn't be a huge deal, but it was something we decided on, and I think that is how it should be left:  as a decision between each couple.

Re: Girl taking guy's last name after marriage
« Reply #25 on: April 10, 2008, 07:51:18 AM »
Regardless of what the hypothetical wife does, my kids are going first name only (Brazilian Style).  I'm thinking Nene and Kaka.
I see where you are coming from, and Nene is a fine name... but...

For the love of god, if you love your child and intend to send them to American public school, do not under any circumstances name them "Kaka".

Or "Pupu."

Re: Girl taking guy's last name after marriage
« Reply #26 on: April 10, 2008, 07:54:17 AM »
I just don't want my kids to have to explain to their friends that their parents are dorks (any more than they will already have to, of course).

TNGA60

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Re: Girl taking guy's last name after marriage
« Reply #27 on: April 10, 2008, 07:57:31 AM »
I mean, if she really didn't want to, it wouldn't be a huge deal, but it was something we decided on, and I think that is how it should be left:  as a decision between each couple.

This is the most important thing, and what a relationship should be based on. It's not about coercion or expectations that one person will or will not do a certain thing, it's about finding something that works for both of you. Some people call it "picking battles" but it's not about winning or losing, it's just about being happy.

This is probably true. If you are a guy that would have a huge problem with this then I imagine dating a woman who wanted to keep her last name you would probably run into trouble before that becomes an issue. I had a fraternity brother who was dating a real hard nosed feminist. She was a cool girl but they just did not work well together. They broke up over the last name issue but they could have never made it anyway.

Re: Girl taking guy's last name after marriage
« Reply #28 on: April 10, 2008, 08:02:49 AM »
I mean, if she really didn't want to, it wouldn't be a huge deal, but it was something we decided on, and I think that is how it should be left:  as a decision between each couple.

This is the most important thing, and what a relationship should be based on. It's not about coercion or expectations that one person will or will not do a certain thing, it's about finding something that works for both of you. Some people call it "picking battles" but it's not about winning or losing, it's just about being happy.

@#!* that.  I want to win life.

Testify!


MahlerGrooves

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Re: Girl taking guy's last name after marriage
« Reply #29 on: April 10, 2008, 08:22:42 AM »
Hey tm, make your way over to the CLS vs. Penn with Levy thread and weigh in!