Great Moments in Public Transportation

[A.]

titcr

[Special Agent Dana Scully]

What does SMH stand for?

IIRC, SMH = shaking my head

ahh gotcha I need an LSD abbrivation dictonary

ha ha, it's not an LSD wide thing tho...it's only blsd since i was the one who started saying it first. 

Man, being from NY I got plenty of these.  I gave you guys the mild tales.   The work route  (early morning & 3-6pm) provides mild humor daily.  But the hanging out crew (Friday/Saturdays 9 pm-until) is a bit over the top.  Never a dull moment.

pretty much, these stories are a function of us being in NYC.

[Thistle]

i had to fly back from brooklyn to little rock today.  on the ny to chicago leg, after i boarded i found an old man sitting in my seat.  an extremely SMELLY old man.  as well as having merely a passing acquaintance with soap and water; i swear to god he smelled like PEE. 

i was already extremely hung over and very queasy so i just tried to avoid him as it was a full flight and there was really no place to go.

halfway through the flight he starts rummaging through a mangy looking travel bag, and pulls out a paper sack.  he reaches in the sack and removes a sandwich.  an ONION sandwich.  which he proceeds to eat.  at 945 in the morning.

on a flight that lasted 1:10 me made me let him out at least 5 times to go wherever smelly old men who smell like pee and eat onion sandwiches go when they're not trying to make hungover law students hurl.

[Freak]

i had to fly back from brooklyn to little rock today.  on the ny to chicago leg, after i boarded i found an old man sitting in my seat.  an extremely SMELLY old man.  as well as having merely a passing acquaintance with soap and water; i swear to god he smelled like PEE. 

i was already extremely hung over and very queasy so i just tried to avoid him as it was a full flight and there was really no place to go.

halfway through the flight he starts rummaging through a mangy looking travel bag, and pulls out a paper sack.  he reaches in the sack and removes a sandwich.  an ONION sandwich.  which he proceeds to eat.  at 945 in the morning.

on a flight that lasted 1:10 me made me let him out at least 5 times to go wherever smelly old men who smell like pee and eat onion sandwiches go when they're not trying to make hungover law students hurl.

Teach you to drink and fly!

[Burning Sands, Esq.]

i had to fly back from brooklyn to little rock today.  on the ny to chicago leg, after i boarded i found an old man sitting in my seat.  an extremely SMELLY old man.  as well as having merely a passing acquaintance with soap and water; i swear to god he smelled like PEE. 

i was already extremely hung over and very queasy so i just tried to avoid him as it was a full flight and there was really no place to go.

halfway through the flight he starts rummaging through a mangy looking travel bag, and pulls out a paper sack.  he reaches in the sack and removes a sandwich.  an ONION sandwich.  which he proceeds to eat.  at 945 in the morning.

on a flight that lasted 1:10 me made me let him out at least 5 times to go wherever smelly old men who smell like pee and eat onion sandwiches go when they're not trying to make hungover law students hurl.

LOL!!!

[cui bono?]

So this is one of the worst in my arsenal of NYC transportation stories.  You've been warned  :
 
Background info:  I'm on a date.  And he takes me to this club that I have never heard of before. We both kept on getting our second (and third) winds at different times, dragging the other along for just "15 more minutes". 15 more minutes turns into another hour.     An hour turns into two.  We basically close out this club.  Then it dawns on us that we both have to work in the morning.  LOL.  So we hop on the train exhausted.  The train is crowded for that time but we noticed one guy because he had these weird sideburns and was checking either me or my date or both of us out-  just stared at us. My date assumed he was checking me out and did  the guy thing and puts his arm around me gives me a smooch- as if to say "this is my woman" to ol boy.  Whatev.  After a while, I'm knocked out asleep after nagging my date to stay awake so we don't miss our stop.  And of course he falls asleep. 
 
So I'm sleeping and we're in for a very long ride, gotta hop a few trains and then it's 40 mins on the LIRR.  Suddenly I'm awakened by the overwhelming feeling that I'm being watched.  I assumed it was my date so I held his hand and then went back to sleep.  But then I was awakened by this sort of sloshing noise and again this feeling of being watched.  So I'm up now.  We have slept through our stop and the only folks on the train are me, my date (who is still asleep rather soundly), and this plumber/construction worker looking dude- the same one with the weird sideburns.  In my sleepy haze it takes me a minute to realize that dude is watching me and my date sleep.  The mystery of the sloshing-like noise became all too clear as I realize that his jeans are unzipped & he's pleasuring himself.  Dude does not stop even though I caught him.  He's still looking our way and going like there was no tomorrow. Bruh was looking at me...then my date...and then me again in a sorta trance-like thing.  I nudge my date and we go into the next car.  Now I dunno if dude was checking me out, my date, the 2 of us, or he just wanted to get caught & found the possibility thrilling.   

So my question is,A, does this go in the book?!  LOL

[A.]

You know it!  But I've heard of this happening so many times on the NYC subway,* that we might have to embellish a little.  Like he started chasing you through the train or something.

*I mean really, I wouldn't want to take a black light into those subway cars...

[Special Agent Dana Scully]

that's part of the reason why i can't @#!* with the train at night.

a few months ago a woman got raped--but she was somewhat dumb.  she does on the train late at night and falls asleep.  she's awakened by a man in front of her asking how much?  she says she's not a prostitute and her dumb ass goes back to sleep.  (my ass would have gotten up and went into the car with the conductor...matter of fact, i would have been there from jump).  next thing you know, she wakes up and dude has a knife to her throat...and she gets raped.  i feel bad for her, but you can't be foolish on the train.

i'm the first person to go to sleep on the train--but that's when it's crowded as hell and i'm a light train sleeper.

[Burning Sands, Esq.]

Yeah you can't be caught slippin on the train, or anywhere for that matter.  Like I tell my friends when they come visit, look this is a major city like any other.  Use common sense and don't put yourself into any situations where it would be easy to take advantage of you, pick your pocket, whatever.  Keep your eyes open and don't walk around this piece like you're in la-la land and you'll be fine.

[$Bill]

When I imagine pickpockets I see Victorian orphans.  I cant imagine getting pickpocketed in the modern age, despite that droning message they play on all the busses