Great Moments in Public Transportation

[cui bono?]

 

Classic.  People watching is one of my favorite pastimes in the city.

Again, this morning I had a lady who attempte to spoon me just like the last lady did. (is there something in the water?)  But before she could get too close I punched her in the back with my left hand.     LOL  OK that sounds worse than what it really was.  It wasn't a "Punch" punch per se. Not like a Rocky Balboa, Mike Tyson punch, more like a "Hey-watchout-there-now!" punch.  A love tap if you will.  Just wanted to let homegirl know there wasn't going to be any spooning today on my train ride in.  After I punched her, she quickly appologized to me, and then moved over to her right and started spooning this OTHER GUY who was standing to my right.  WTF?   I guess somebody had to get spooned eh?

Ok.  Never in my 20 some-odd years of  living and riding the NYC trains and subways have I EVER spooned a dude.  I stay far away from ppl because I learned very early on that people can have B.O. (body odor) even early in the morning. BO-  the great equalizer! BO knows no bounds!  BO can creep from every orifice of someone up to your tired and weary nose any time of day!  BO crosses racial and ethnic and socioeconomic lines! From the business types with bad coffee/morning breath to the sweaty construction worker.  Maybe these chicks were trying to drop a hint.      

Okay all this talk of subways and with the high price of gas I decided to take the train into work today. While I dont have any "wonderful nasty stories" like NYC..I will say the ATL has some interesting looking people on the trains..I am not sure who said it was ok to show your belly fat when you have dunlap..(belly done lapped over your pants) but apparently it is a new trend for some full figured ladies. One woman had on black fuzzy house shoes(that made that swishing sound on the concrete you know how slippers sound) a tight green pair of capri pants and a black shirt that was two sizes tooo small. I am convinced her poor stomach was fighting for air. Behind her was a woman at least -I think it was a woman- with short blond hair, aviator shades and a brown leisure suit. I decided whatever friends these ladies had they must not love them,sending them out looking like that.

I am sooo mad that there's even a term for it.  "Dunlap"  LOL.  I've heard of bootiedo (yo' stomach pokes out further than your bootie do); muffintop, kangaroo pouch, but lol.    

[Special Agent Dana Scully]

Oh Oh Oh!!!  That reminds me...How could I forget my best experience of late - the M60 bus to LaGuardia!!!!

Have you ridden this bus?  Full of characters like MCB just described, packed 10 times more than the subway.

So for those not from NY, the M60 bus runs from Manhattan to LaGuardia airport in Queens.  Its a very inexpensive (only $2) way to get to the airport and from my stop in Harlem at 125th and Lenox, it only took 30 minutes to get there.

Now, the PROBLEM (and I do mean this is a problem that the city should look into) is that the bus still picks up everybody else and their kid brother along the way, regardless if they are going to the airport or not. So you got mad folks trying to get to the airport with luggage and big bags, etc. trying to cram in next to everybody else who is too lazy to wait for the next bus behind the M60.   

No Bullsh!t, from 125th & Lenox, this damn bus must have stopped about 20 times!!!  Half of those stops were on 125th street alone!!!   I mean WTF?!?!   I literally saw a dozen people get on the bus at 3rd ave, ride for a minute, and then got off at 2nd ave.  WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Are you serious?  And its not like they didn't see the 100 people with luggage already packed onto this thing when the damn bus pulled up.  But I guess your ride for only one block and the 5 minutes we wasted to let you and everybody else with you on the bus as the bus driver attemped to pack it like some kinda gotdamn clown car was more important than everybody else who had flights to catch huh? 

This one older lady with a walker got on and I felt sorry for the lady at first because she seemed kinda helpless at first, but then her cell phone rang and she picks it up and says in the most ghetto accent in ever heard "Ni@@a What?  Will you stay the hell out my damn bid-ness.  I SAAAAAIIIIIIID get out my bid-ness!!!  I SAAAAAAAIIIIIID...hol' up...somebody ring the bell for me please, ok thank you....I SAAAAAAAIIIIID stay out my damn bid-ness fool!"



My people.   

DEAD. I've taken that bus a couple of times--plus it runs right by Columbia anyway.  And you are right, the driver will stop at EVERY f-ing STOP despite the fact that there's no more space bc of the tons of luggage ppl bring.  Horrible.

Train stories are generally funnier than bus stories though.

Here's one bus story though:

So last year, after work, I used to take the bus to the train instead of walking bc city blocks are hella long.  So I get on the bus and the driver and giving me the ill stink face.  He's like, you don't remember me?  Here I am all confused, I'm like no.  He's like how you gonna act like you don't know me? Huh?  I met you the other day, we were talking for a bit and you wouldn't give me your number.  I'm like, you must have me mistaken for someone else.  He said no, I know your name and everything.  Mind you, I wear a nameplate, so that's not odd, but it wasn't showing that day, so I asked him what it was.  He was immature and said I'm not going to tell you.  Anyway, I told him it wasn't me and I don't talk to strange men on the street (which is pretty much true).  And he's like whatever.

Do you know for the next few months everytime I caught the bus and he was the driver he would give me a screw face?  Homeboy would look at me through the rearview and just grill me.  That was some scary fatal attraction *&^%--I"d always go to the back of the bus and hide behind someone.

[Burning Sands, Esq.]

I guess you were supposed to holler at the bus driver?  Brothers be killin me.  C'mon, son, you drive the bus so drive it already and stop trying to spit at every dip who gets on!  Sheeesh

[A.]

I am sooo mad that there's even a term for it.  "Dunlap"  LOL.  I've heard of bootiedo (yo' stomach pokes out further than your bootie do); muffintop, kangaroo pouch, but lol.   

Lol I think that's a southern term...we definitely wore that one out in elementary/middle school.

[Special Agent Dana Scully]

I guess you were supposed to holler at the bus driver?  Brothers be killin me.  C'mon, son, you drive the bus so drive it already and stop trying to spit at every dip who gets on!  Sheeesh

exactly.  he needed to look where he was going instead of giving me the screw face.  fucker.

[cui bono?]

I am sooo mad that there's even a term for it.  "Dunlap"  LOL.  I've heard of bootiedo (yo' stomach pokes out further than your bootie do); muffintop, kangaroo pouch, but lol.   

Lol I think that's a southern term...we definitely wore that one out in elementary/middle school.

LOL Really?  Never heard of it

This one older lady with a walker got on and I felt sorry for the lady at first because she seemed kinda helpless at first, but then her cell phone rang and she picks it up and says in the most ghetto accent in ever heard "Ni@@a What?  Will you stay the hell out my damn bid-ness.  I SAAAAAIIIIIIID get out my bid-ness!!!  I SAAAAAAAIIIIIID...hol' up...somebody ring the bell for me please, ok thank you....I SAAAAAAAIIIIID stay out my damn bid-ness fool!"



My people.   

LOL that reminds me of this one LIRR trip that yielded two hopeless cases.

So I’m on the LIRR going toward Penn Station early in the morning to get to work.  So this guy gets on and he’s on his cell phone talking about some guy he didn’t like.  So how do I know he didn’t like the guy you may be wondering?  Because he says “yo n-word, you should have been there.  We smashed that mf’s   face into the sidewalk.  That n-word was bleeding and s**t.  Yeah…Yeah…that n-word got blood on my brand new Tims so I had to whoop his a** some more for that s**t.”[I guess the person on the other end asked which pair of shoes because then he felt he had to clarify]  no, not those, n-word, the ones that I just bought, the new ones to go with those jeans.  Yeahh..  [then I guess the person on the other end didn’t know which guy had gotten beaten up]  Nah, n-word, not that Chris.  That other n-word Chris [last name], yeah the one that was messin’ with shortie up on [some street].  Yeah that shorty is bangin.  But her man got stomped on, yo, yu shoulda seen that.  But I’m still pissed that n-word got blood on my Tims, man.

Same train ride-

Girl talking to her friend but also talking on the phone.  “Yeah we F’d, girl.  Nah that n-word couldn’t hold it together.  Wait old up girl I gotta scratch -my p***y be itching sometimes.  [proceeds to take her hand and reach down in her pants and scratches for what seems like a whole minute]Yeah so as I was saying, she can have that n-word we already done f’d.…”

At that point I put on my headphones.

[Special Agent Dana Scully]

Girl talking to her friend but also talking on the phone.  “Yeah we F’d, girl.  Nah that n-word couldn’t hold it together.  Wait old up girl I gotta scratch -my p***y be itching sometimes.  [proceeds to take her hand and reach down in her pants and scratches for what seems like a whole minute]Yeah so as I was saying, she can have that n-word we already done f’d.…”

At that point I put on my headphones.

Oh hell f-ing no.  Horrible.  Nasty ass female dog.  She really said that ish?  What the hell???

[A.]

And we wonder why the guy had out his gloves and spray...

[Burning Sands, Esq.]

And we wonder why the guy had out his gloves and spray...

good point

[naturallybeyoutiful]

I am sooo mad that there's even a term for it.  "Dunlap"  LOL.  I've heard of bootiedo (yo' stomach pokes out further than your bootie do); muffintop, kangaroo pouch, but lol.   

Lol I think that's a southern term...we definitely wore that one out in elementary/middle school.

LOL Really?  Never heard of it

This one older lady with a walker got on and I felt sorry for the lady at first because she seemed kinda helpless at first, but then her cell phone rang and she picks it up and says in the most ghetto accent in ever heard "Ni@@a What?  Will you stay the hell out my damn bid-ness.  I SAAAAAIIIIIIID get out my bid-ness!!!  I SAAAAAAAIIIIIID...hol' up...somebody ring the bell for me please, ok thank you....I SAAAAAAAIIIIID stay out my damn bid-ness fool!"



My people.   

LOL that reminds me of this one LIRR trip that yielded two hopeless cases.

So I’m on the LIRR going toward Penn Station early in the morning to get to work.  So this guy gets on and he’s on his cell phone talking about some guy he didn’t like.  So how do I know he didn’t like the guy you may be wondering?  Because he says “yo n-word, you should have been there.  We smashed that mf’s   face into the sidewalk.  That n-word was bleeding and s**t.  Yeah…Yeah…that n-word got blood on my brand new Tims so I had to whoop his a** some more for that s**t.”[I guess the person on the other end asked which pair of shoes because then he felt he had to clarify]  no, not those, n-word, the ones that I just bought, the new ones to go with those jeans.  Yeahh..  [then I guess the person on the other end didn’t know which guy had gotten beaten up]  Nah, n-word, not that Chris.  That other n-word Chris [last name], yeah the one that was messin’ with shortie up on [some street].  Yeah that shorty is bangin.  But her man got stomped on, yo, yu shoulda seen that.  But I’m still pissed that n-word got blood on my Tims, man.

Same train ride-

Girl talking to her friend but also talking on the phone.  “Yeah we F’d, girl.  Nah that n-word couldn’t hold it together.  Wait old up girl I gotta scratch -my p***y be itching sometimes.  [proceeds to take her hand and reach down in her pants and scratches for what seems like a whole minute]Yeah so as I was saying, she can have that n-word we already done f’d.…”

At that point I put on my headphones.

Both of these stories are heartbreaking!  We have GOT to do better!