Great Moments in Public Transportation

[Special Agent Dana Scully]

OK this one tops it for me.  A friggin BAT was flying around the damn station today.  A bat, son.      Now I've seen it all.  I'm used to the rats, but a Bat?  C'mon man.

DEAD.  Are you serious???  In all my life, I've never seen a bat in the subway.

[cui bono?]

 

[$Bill]

My mother grew up in rural cranberry country, she teaches elementary.  Recently she came to visit me in the big city, and she was riding a bus between main st. flushing and woodside when the 7 was down with me.  She started up a conversation with some of the children on the bus because shes outgoing and nice, and the mother and father of the kids gave my mom a dirty look like she was trying to kidnap her kids, picked their children up, and moved to the front of the bus.  My mom kinda just put her head down.

In other news, I moved so that I have to take the E in the morning.  I look forward to being packed like a sardine every morning.

They broke the NY'er code and looked at the dude several times in shock.

 

[cui bono?]

So it's official -Miami has fried my brain to the point that I have to surrender my
"nonchalant NewYorker" card. 

Okay let me preface this by saying you know how there's some stuff that just tickles you and you don't know why, well this was one of those.  On the train, only one more stop to go.  But for some reason the conductor was holding us up.  So we were just sitting there for a while, doors open. A guy gets on, doors are still open.  He's a little dirty but it was the type of dirty that you didn't know if dude was homeless or just needed a shower.  Anyway dude gets on, and I noticed that he was scratching quite a bit.  And started scratching his rear end.    I'm thinking Okay, whatev, I guess if it itches, scratch it.  Dude then jumps around, still scratching, and begins to sing a song to narrate his scratching to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy, althought at the time I couldn't place the tune.  First he said his name which I think was Joey.  "Joey takes his thumb and scratches up his heeeemroids."  Mind you, dude speaks with a lisp so the "thumb" sounds hilarious.

I'm thinking:  'Oh god, this is hilarious.  But I can't laugh...I'm from NY we don't do this.  Man up, [cui], Man up!'

Then dude sings even louder and changes up the lyrics and calls himself "assman".  Also with the lisp sounds hilarious.  "Assman scratches up his ass 'cause it really itches"  then dude shifts mid song to "Bingo"-  "A-S-S-S-S-, A-S-S-S-S-, cause it really itches."  Back to Yankee Doodle-  "..scratching cause no one could tell me not to"  ....
Dude is scratching, presumbly w/ his thumb because he's now facing my direction, this entire time! Dude then puts the thumb up to his face to scratch his beard then back to his butt.

At this point, I look up and see a few people smirking and we lock eyes and then all of us burst into laughter.  "Assman" was a bit startled by the laughter & walks out of the train presumbly to go into another car.  I'm straight rolling!  Doors have now closed on the way to the next stop.  I get off, still laughing, tears down my face.  People even stopped to ask me what was wrong! 

[A.]

lol wow

[Burning Sands, Esq.]

crack kills

[Saucony Jazz]

So it's official -Miami has fried my brain to the point that I have to surrender my
"nonchalant NewYorker" card. 

Okay let me preface this by saying you know how there's some stuff that just tickles you and you don't know why, well this was one of those.  On the train, only one more stop to go.  But for some reason the conductor was holding us up.  So we were just sitting there for a while, doors open. A guy gets on, doors are still open.  He's a little dirty but it was the type of dirty that you didn't know if dude was homeless or just needed a shower.  Anyway dude gets on, and I noticed that he was scratching quite a bit.  And started scratching his rear end.    I'm thinking Okay, whatev, I guess if it itches, scratch it.  Dude then jumps around, still scratching, and begins to sing a song to narrate his scratching to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy, althought at the time I couldn't place the tune.  First he said his name which I think was Joey.  "Joey takes his thumb and scratches up his heeeemroids."  Mind you, dude speaks with a lisp so the "thumb" sounds hilarious.

I'm thinking:  'Oh god, this is hilarious.  But I can't laugh...I'm from NY we don't do this.  Man up, [cui], Man up!'

Then dude sings even louder and changes up the lyrics and calls himself "assman".  Also with the lisp sounds hilarious.  "Assman scratches up his ass 'cause it really itches"  then dude shifts mid song to "Bingo"-  "A-S-S-S-S-, A-S-S-S-S-, cause it really itches."  Back to Yankee Doodle-  "..scratching cause no one could tell me not to"  ....
Dude is scratching, presumbly w/ his thumb because he's now facing my direction, this entire time! Dude then puts the thumb up to his face to scratch his beard then back to his butt.

At this point, I look up and see a few people smirking and we lock eyes and then all of us burst into laughter.  "Assman" was a bit startled by the laughter & walks out of the train presumbly to go into another car.  I'm straight rolling!  Doors have now closed on the way to the next stop.  I get off, still laughing, tears down my face.  People even stopped to ask me what was wrong! 

lol. That's dirty!

[Special Agent Dana Scully]

Lawd, pure comedy this morning! So I was on the downtown A heading 2 work. I'm at either Chambers or Bway and these two tranvestites (crossdressers? I don't know the pc term) get on. Now, one sits (didn't seem 'her' until she got off the train). But the other stood up an started droppin it like its hot--had on a bra top and some daisy dukes.  One dude got up and sat next 2 me--this other dude continued reading his paper. But 'she'll was danicng and shaking her ass in front of him. He had the stone cold blank face going on. So she sits down and gets back up and does some stripper pole moves. I'm here dying...I've never seen any *&^% like that, especially on  the A train. So she then sits and extens her leg in the face of the dude with the newspaper, tryin 2 get his attention. Then she tries to caress his arm. Smh. He pulled back. Then she was dancing and singing and she and her buddy got off the train--buddy had on 1 of those spandex barbie dresses (MAD short) and fishnets.  Serisously, I was DEAD.

[A.]

Wait, so every place you say "she," you mean "he"?  Lol because that would be a mess if it were just a she, but if she was really a he, then I'd be dead too lol.

[pikey]

smh