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Author Topic: Great Moments in Public Transportation  (Read 12696 times)

Burning Sands, Esq.

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Great Moments in Public Transportation
« on: March 27, 2008, 11:59:09 AM »
I started to put this in the NY City thread but I'm sure this happens everywhere.

For the past several weeks I have been inundated with funny episode after funny episode on the subway ride to work.  After this morning I can't let these stories go untold any longer.



So I'm sitting on the downtown 3 like I usually do in the morning.  The subway makes its usual stops with blacks and latinos getting on at all the uptown stops, and then more and more white people get on the lower it goes.  Typically at 96th street there is the first massive influx of white folks and other business professionals who join the not-so-professional-looking crowd who are already sitting down in the train by that point.  I point all of this background info out to help paint the picture that this stop always provides for a bit of comedy when these two groups meet for the first time every morning.

Today, however, this one 96'er took it over the top.  This cat gets on in a full suit and tie and sits down right next to me. At first I don't really pay him any mind b/c I'm reading my paper.  I notice out of the corner of my eye that he has a paper also and he goes about reading it like anybody else would. Again, I think nothing of it.

But then I get the distinct feeling that you get when people are looking at you.  I look up across the aisle and see everybody staring in my direction.  At first I thought it was me, but then I notice they're not looking at me they're looking at the guy next to me.  So I look at him for the fist time and I get it - THIS CAT has on latex gloves and a doctor's mask and is sitting on top of a plastic bag.  And he's just chillin like nothing is weird about this, reading his paper.  Then, to top it all off, he reaches down in his bag and pulls out some type of spray or something and sprays the old bag lady who is asleep and sitting down to his right. 

I was too done!!!  I wanted to fall out right there.  Some of the people sitting across from us actually did bust out laughing. It was just too much.  The guy just went back to reading his paper like everything was cool.

I just shook my head, got up and stood by the door for the rest of the ride before I got sprayed or something.





"A lawyer's either a social engineer or a parasite on society. A social engineer is a highly skilled...lawyer who understands the Constitution of the U.S. and knows how to explore its uses in the solving of problems of local communities and in bettering [our] conditions."
Charles H. Houston

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Re: Great Moments in Public Transportation
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2008, 12:12:52 PM »
:D :D :D

Although the poor guy almost undoubtedly has an OCD.

Burning Sands, Esq.

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Re: Great Moments in Public Transportation
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2008, 12:54:46 PM »
Yesterday, also at the infamous 96th street stop, a crowd of folks come into the train and this one lady who was leading the pack basically comes all the way to the back where I'm standing against the wall and presses herself up against me as if I was the wall.  So we're effectively spooning on the train here, folks.  She completely disregarded the paper I was holding in my hands out in front of me which clearly established my personal space perimeter.  Nope, no respect for the paper.  She crumpled it up with her back as she kept getting closer and closer until basically my paper was sitting on top of her head. 

Then of course more and more people pile in and start to crowd her so she gets EVEN CLOSER.  So at this point, her head is literally inches from me, and she's completely obvlivious to the fact that she has invaded my personal space even by NY subway standards, so I lean in and say "Lady, if you get any closer to me I'm gonna have to insist you buy me a drink first."

She says "oh I'm sorry" realizing how close she was to somebody else, laughs, and then inches away from me and creates a little bit of space.

I mean, c'mon! On the subway you can expect to rub shoulders with people, sure, but I draw the line at spooning damn!t.
"A lawyer's either a social engineer or a parasite on society. A social engineer is a highly skilled...lawyer who understands the Constitution of the U.S. and knows how to explore its uses in the solving of problems of local communities and in bettering [our] conditions."
Charles H. Houston

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Re: Great Moments in Public Transportation
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2008, 01:24:11 PM »
Sands, I'm dead at your stories.  Sometimes NYC transit is comedy gold.  I always hate it when people look like they are about to fight though--I have limited space to run!
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Re: Great Moments in Public Transportation
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2008, 01:33:38 PM »
no great moments here...though some pretty unfortunate ones.

I'm not usually one of the people to crowd on trains since my personal space is one luxury I should be able to afford in NYC ;), but the other day I was really in a rush to get out of the subway to call my mom to give her the lowdown on how I actually got the best of ATT's customer service, which is the biggest group of simpletons I've ever had to deal with (I should really consider changing cell phone providers, but I digress). Anyway, it was just after 5 so the cramming on the east side trains were well underway. I take the 6 on 33rd street to 42nd and hop off to get on an express up to Harlem. And my general complaint about this process is that the express trains wait just until the 6 train opens its door (almost ALWAYS) to immediately shut its doors so that transfer folks will have to wait unnecessarily for the next one. Usually it doesn't bother me, but that day, I wasn't waiting. So I hold the doors open by slinging in my wumbo (google it) purse then the rest of my self, only to get my pants stuck in the door...with no slack :D. I couldn't move an inch for a good two minutes. Got my just desserts.
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Re: Great Moments in Public Transportation
« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2008, 01:44:12 PM »
As I stood on the 7 out of Flushing last week, the woman on the seat next to me hocked and spit a huge wad of phlegm on the floor.  She was wearing a soiled traditional chinese button up jacket, and had pounds of what seemed to be crinkled up plastic bags on her back.  I looked around, and everyone had basically looked at the hocking sound, then back into their papers.  NYC apathy is incredibly powerful.  I avoided the phlegm for the rest of the ride.

Towards christmas I was around Shea on the 7 again, and I was at the front of the train, turned towards the door, asking my father when I should meet him in Boston to be picked up for Christmas.  As I hung up and stepped out of the train, what seems to be a recent african immigrant followed me out of the station and down the road screaming in my ear for interrupting the serenity of my fellow passengers (i am the first person to use my cell on the train btw)  He followed me to my bus stop condemning me and my family for my breach of etiquette.

Burning Sands, Esq.

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Re: Great Moments in Public Transportation
« Reply #6 on: March 27, 2008, 03:04:13 PM »
no great moments here...though some pretty unfortunate ones.

I'm not usually one of the people to crowd on trains since my personal space is one luxury I should be able to afford in NYC ;), but the other day I was really in a rush to get out of the subway to call my mom to give her the lowdown on how I actually got the best of ATT's customer service, which is the biggest group of simpletons I've ever had to deal with (I should really consider changing cell phone providers, but I digress). Anyway, it was just after 5 so the cramming on the east side trains were well underway. I take the 6 on 33rd street to 42nd and hop off to get on an express up to Harlem. And my general complaint about this process is that the express trains wait just until the 6 train opens its door (almost ALWAYS) to immediately shut its doors so that transfer folks will have to wait unnecessarily for the next one. Usually it doesn't bother me, but that day, I wasn't waiting. So I hold the doors open by slinging in my wumbo (google it) purse then the rest of my self, only to get my pants stuck in the door...with no slack :D. I couldn't move an inch for a good two minutes. Got my just desserts.

 :D  Good story.  Keep 'em coming.


As I stood on the 7 out of Flushing last week, the woman on the seat next to me hocked and spit a huge wad of phlegm on the floor.  She was wearing a soiled traditional chinese button up jacket, and had pounds of what seemed to be crinkled up plastic bags on her back.  I looked around, and everyone had basically looked at the hocking sound, then back into their papers.  NYC apathy is incredibly powerful.  I avoided the phlegm for the rest of the ride.

Towards christmas I was around Shea on the 7 again, and I was at the front of the train, turned towards the door, asking my father when I should meet him in Boston to be picked up for Christmas.  As I hung up and stepped out of the train, what seems to be a recent african immigrant followed me out of the station and down the road screaming in my ear for interrupting the serenity of my fellow passengers (i am the first person to use my cell on the train btw)  He followed me to my bus stop condemning me and my family for my breach of etiquette.

Wow.  I think you would have been justified to smack him.
"A lawyer's either a social engineer or a parasite on society. A social engineer is a highly skilled...lawyer who understands the Constitution of the U.S. and knows how to explore its uses in the solving of problems of local communities and in bettering [our] conditions."
Charles H. Houston

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Re: Great Moments in Public Transportation
« Reply #7 on: March 27, 2008, 03:19:02 PM »
no great moments here...though some pretty unfortunate ones.

I'm not usually one of the people to crowd on trains since my personal space is one luxury I should be able to afford in NYC ;), but the other day I was really in a rush to get out of the subway to call my mom to give her the lowdown on how I actually got the best of ATT's customer service, which is the biggest group of simpletons I've ever had to deal with (I should really consider changing cell phone providers, but I digress). Anyway, it was just after 5 so the cramming on the east side trains were well underway. I take the 6 on 33rd street to 42nd and hop off to get on an express up to Harlem. And my general complaint about this process is that the express trains wait just until the 6 train opens its door (almost ALWAYS) to immediately shut its doors so that transfer folks will have to wait unnecessarily for the next one. Usually it doesn't bother me, but that day, I wasn't waiting. So I hold the doors open by slinging in my wumbo (google it) purse then the rest of my self, only to get my pants stuck in the door...with no slack :D. I couldn't move an inch for a good two minutes. Got my just desserts.

 :D  Good story.  Keep 'em coming.


As I stood on the 7 out of Flushing last week, the woman on the seat next to me hocked and spit a huge wad of phlegm on the floor.  She was wearing a soiled traditional chinese button up jacket, and had pounds of what seemed to be crinkled up plastic bags on her back.  I looked around, and everyone had basically looked at the hocking sound, then back into their papers.  NYC apathy is incredibly powerful.  I avoided the phlegm for the rest of the ride.

Towards christmas I was around Shea on the 7 again, and I was at the front of the train, turned towards the door, asking my father when I should meet him in Boston to be picked up for Christmas.  As I hung up and stepped out of the train, what seems to be a recent african immigrant followed me out of the station and down the road screaming in my ear for interrupting the serenity of my fellow passengers (i am the first person to use my cell on the train btw)  He followed me to my bus stop condemning me and my family for my breach of etiquette.

Wow.  I think you would have been justified to smack him.

All that was going through my mind was "C&F C&F"

Burning Sands, Esq.

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Re: Great Moments in Public Transportation
« Reply #8 on: March 27, 2008, 03:21:21 PM »
The phlem story reminded me of another story. I was on the uptown E at World Trade and I was walking toward the train looking for an uncrowded car to enter.  The first one was packed, the second one, also packed.  Finally I come to about the 3rd or 4th car when I heard the "ding dong" bell signalling that the doors were about to close.  So I quickly jump in.  It was completely empty.  I was the only person in this whole subway car and I quickly found out why...

The car REEKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I mean bad. Like somebody died.  I pull my shirt up over my nose and look around to find the source of the odor and there on the floor is what appeared to be somebody's disagreeable breakfast.  Staight chillin like BLAAAAH.   :P  

The stench was so bad I had to get off at the next stop.  It was funny watching the reactions of the people who got on right after I left though.  They had no idea what they were stepping into.


BTW, did you guys see in the paper where the E and the Q were voted the dirtiest subways in NY?  They earned every bit of that title!
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Re: Great Moments in Public Transportation
« Reply #9 on: March 27, 2008, 03:43:06 PM »
I was waiting for the G in brooklyn at about 4.  I went to sit in one of those slotted wooden seats, but when I looked down there was a dinner plate pile of "wetness" blood, mucous, and what may have been semen.  I just looked at the empty platform and wondered what possibly could have gone on to leave that offensive pile on the platform.