Fiancee says kids or law school - pick ONE - advice please

[tmeacham]

Seriously, we all wish you the best.

[Basscadet]

I appreciate the best wishes. I'm going to need them. This is tough.

[Poetgirl80]

Wow. In just 4 pages of threading, you've decided to abandon the possibility of a marriage to this woman because strangers on these boards gave you advice to pursue your law dreams? Are you kidding me? (No offense to the posters- I'm sure your counsel was very wise), I am just REALLY hoping that the OP was leaning towards ending it BEFORE he started asking strangers to make a life-changing decision for him.

I get that this woman is high-strung (the money, THE MONEY!!! the kids, THE KIDS!!!), and yes, that's probably VERY exhausting, but have you ever suggested going to a financial counselor together and sitting down to show her that the finances will be ok? I'm not married. So, I'll be taking additional loans to live on/pay bills while I'm in school. People do this everyday. It's really not the crisis situation you may have imagined. And, as for the ultimatum- yes, that's tacky of her, but there's an easy way around that. Get married. Have a baby. Change your mind. "I'm sorry, honey, but my heart is calling me to law school. We'll get a private bank loan to cover the living expenses for the next few years, and then we'll be just fine when I get out, cool?" What's she going to do? Walk away from you as a single mom? Why? Because you want to get more education and will eventually be better off financially? No. She'll stay. You'll have it all. Well, you could have had it all if you hadn't ended it so abruptly. Sigh.  

[Basscadet]

I am just REALLY hoping that the OP was leaning towards ending it BEFORE he started asking strangers to make a life-changing decision for him.

There are other factors, I did not rely on this thread alone.

I also don't think that a deception as you've prescribed in your last paragraph is ethical, no offense.

[Poetgirl80]

I also don't think that a deception as you've prescribed in your last paragraph is ethical, no offense.
[/quote]

Ha! And you want to be a lawyer...
 

(kidding)

[Basscadet]

I also don't think that a deception as you've prescribed in your last paragraph is ethical, no offense.

Ha! And you want to be a lawyer...
 

(kidding)

[/quote]

I'm bound to be a crappy one, I'm sure. LOL

[MahlerGrooves]

I also don't think that a deception as you've prescribed in your last paragraph is ethical, no offense.

Ha! And you want to be a lawyer...
 

(kidding)

I'm bound to be a crappy one, I'm sure. LOL
[/quote]

I think you'll do fine.  Especially since you were able to see the forest for the trees with this woman.

Good luck!  Keep us posted!

[Where you off to next year, btw??  I forgot, or you didn't say.  Either way, I'm too tired to read through the thread again  ]

[Basscadet]

I also don't think that a deception as you've prescribed in your last paragraph is ethical, no offense.

Ha! And you want to be a lawyer...
 

(kidding)

I'm bound to be a crappy one, I'm sure. LOL

I think you'll do fine.  Especially since you were able to see the forest for the trees with this woman.

Good luck!  Keep us posted!

[Where you off to next year, btw??  I forgot, or you didn't say.  Either way, I'm too tired to read through the thread again  ]
[/quote]

Thanks Mahler.

I want to stay local to KC which leaves U of Kansas and U of Missouri, both which will suit my needs nicely.

[tmeacham]

PoetGirl80:

Ending an engagement is very different from ending a marriage.  If one thinks that a relationship wo't work, ending it before marriage (and kids) is the most responsible thing.  Let's give this 34-year-old then benefit of the doubt and assume his life decisions aren't made willy-nilly on the comments of a couple of strangers just because all we happen to see of the situation is those comments.

[Illyria]

Sounds to me like you made the right decision, but not necessarily because of the school thing.  If there are cracks of any kind in the relationship during the engagement, things are only going to get worse 5, 10, or 15 years down the road, and especially after having kids.  I have two kids and they are wonderful, but they definitely put more pressure on the parents' relationship.  Ideally, you want to make sure you are in a stable and trouble-free relationship before bringing kids into the mix.... Just my 2 cents.