I would really enjoy sex with Asher Roth.
That is all.
That is all.
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Messages - Saxby Clemens II
Lady Gaga is letting all the crazy out too early to be the next Madonna.
You need to roll that *&^% out in stages.
climbing out of a cake to roll around stage in a wedding dress --> making out with black jesus on an altar --> making naked coffee table book with vanilla ice --> attempting to breed with dennis rodman --> getting pregnant by personal trainer whilst playing evita --> replacing detroit accent with british accent for no apparent reason --> singing in a crown of thorns whilst shackled to a bedazzled crucifix --> adopting child that actually has a parent --> dating 22 year old who doesnt speak either american or british english --> buying sister to match aforementioned parented child
A breakdown of Saxby's week:
Monday - Slice tip of finger off with razor. Bleed profusely at gym for 30 minutes whilst naked, surrounded by unusually attractive, also naked guys, covered in shaving cream. FML.
Tuesday - Rush from airport to school to make class devoted to discussion amongst seven competing groups. Discover no members of own group plan to attend. Unable to cover for group mates. Embarrassed in front of dean. FML.
Wednesday - Idiot classmates take up so much time warbling inanely, own presentation from two weeks ago is again pushed back, to next week. Result is presentation must be given back-to-back with presentation already scheduled for next week. FML.
Thursday - Combination of finger and head pain gives plausible excuse for skipping least favorite class. Find out academic program is nominated for a PR Week award. Tickets to black-tie ceremony at Tavern on the Green are available for students.*
Friday - Find out tickets were limited. Lose ensuing lottery to dumbest students imaginable. Disappointment mitigated by signs finger is starting to heal and prospect of G'town happy hour. Drive to happy hour, discover wallet is at home. Go back, leaving no time to actually participate in happy hour. Disappointment mitigated by unseasonably warm weather. Take nice drive to get something to eat. On way home, inaccurately pulled over for not yielding at a stop sign. Get into argument with cop. Get ticket. Sustain paper cut on previously injured finger whist looking for registration. Finger resumes bleeding. FML.
Many of my irrational fears can be tied to an unfortunate viewing of the movie "It" when I was eight.
And mine "The Shining."
If we're being honest, nightly local news also scared me with great frequency.