« on: March 25, 2005, 04:49:11 PM »
I read about half of it... at first I didnt realize it was your PS... I thought you were introducing your PS to the readers on this board.
My PS was solid. Perhaps not incredibly interesting, but solid. It took me FOREVER to write. I had over 15 versions. It completely changed from beginning to end.
What I suggest is for you to brainstorm. Think about instances in your life that make you feel/realize something and made you think about studying law. Or you could just demonstrate you interest in tying a legal education to... I dunno, something like research (if you've done a lot of research).
Anyhow, I kept trying to think of a few instances in my life that I could describe, and analyze. And then I went from there.
It's cheesy, but I bought a couple of books on how to write a personal statement. One of the most valuable points I applied was to use more verbs, and less adjectives. Verbs are what make any writing interesting - you portray movement, you make your words alive.
Based on what I read of your PS, it is way too chronological. Tell a story. Focus yourself more. If you want to talk about growth, you'll need to strengthen the development of what grew in you (compassion? drive?) and for what (compassion for children? drive for justice?). And then take some life experiences (I just used two) and weave a story.
I certainly am NOT the best writer. But what I think I liked most about my PS was how genuine it was. I also made a point to make it easy to read, but also vary my sentence structure and sentence length.
Good luck. And post again when you've made revisions!