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Messages - Smokey Griggs

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31
General Off-Topic Board / Re: The DOWNY Advice Page
« on: September 22, 2004, 02:00:14 AM »
This appeals to you...doesn't it?

... he typed, bitterly, stabbing the "post" button.  Sat back in the chair.  Brow knit in consternation, he once more fished his squishy, child-sized tool out of his underpants.  Looked at it.  Nope, there was no getting around it; it was still small, and it still smelled like cheese...

32
General Off-Topic Board / Re: The DOWNY Advice Page
« on: September 22, 2004, 01:42:44 AM »
lmao... i like the visuals.  sneaking around the zoo with a ladder in the moonlight...

Dear Downy,

I've been cursed with an extra large penis.  Like a can of Colt 45.  I love females, and I love sex.  They like what they see when I drop trou, but I can't even get the head in and do any serious damage.  It's a rare thing to find a hot momma with a box like a yak.  Please help...

The problem you cite is solved easier than you think. You want boxes like yaks? Well, DOWNY suggests simply going to the zoo after-hours and hooking up with the yaks. Or the elephants. Better yet, get a job there.

33
General Off-Topic Board / Re: The DOWNY Advice Page
« on: September 22, 2004, 12:27:44 AM »
Dear Downy,

I've been cursed with an extra large penis.  Like a can of Colt 45.  I love females, and I love sex.  They like what they see when I drop trou, but I can't even get the head in and do any serious damage.  It's a rare thing to find a hot momma with a box like a yak.  Please help...

34
Law School Applications / Re: JACY and LEXYLIT don't like me.
« on: August 24, 2004, 12:35:08 AM »
yeah, well here it comes, lol...

37
General Off-Topic Board / Re: Immigration Is Destroying California ?
« on: August 20, 2004, 12:20:29 AM »
I had a job at a meat packing plant.  Inspecting hogs.  S'right.  I was in the Lips n' Assholes division.  They'd trot in these pitiful specimens, and it was for yours truly to determine whether they were ripe for the dirty knife.  You shoulda SEEN the sorry sonsabitches they let through the gate.  My trainer let me have my way at it for the first 5 minutes of the job, til I got the hand of it. 

The first one I saw that looked suspect had a big green softball-sized adenoma coming out of his a-hole.  It was leaking syrupy white fluid.  Looked like a goddamned herpes-ridden orangutan in heat.

"That one.  He's outa there, clearly."

"No, he goes on through."

"What?"

"Sure..."

I turned to the trainer and just looked at the muthafucka.  He wasn't joking.  He let the miserable fucker limp on through through the gate.  Shaking my head, I turned back to the task. 

"There.  Right f-in' there.  Get his ass outa there..."

"No sir.  That one'll pass, too."

"That one?  That one right there?"  I pointed to a large beast that had what looked like a child's foot growing out of his back.  You coulda put a sweatsock on it.  It flapped limply at the "ankle" as the hog bumped among his muddied brethren...

"Hell no.  You gotta be f-ing kidding me, right?"

"Son I ain't kiddin' ya.  And you'll do to watch your mouth when yer workin' my shift.  You sound like one of these hogs, here..."

It went on.  About half of those poor bastards graduated to the Side division; they'd punch their skulls and cut em down for rib meat, roast, brisket, chitterlings, graded sausage, feet, what have you.  I got the rest.  Mine got totally ground down into a gloppy pink paste that got spat from a surgical steel udder at around 2000 pounds a minute.  Like a friggin' fire hose, I swear ta christ.  You could knock a man down if you turned the blast on 'im, you think I'm shittin?  You don't want that job, little lady.  Trust me.  That's a man's job, that is.  I'm a man.  I got man hands.  But @#!* that, if I had to do it again I'd take the welfare check, or else box kangaroos at the circus, something.  Fuckit.

38
Law School Applications / Re: Fly Bowling Shoes
« on: August 19, 2004, 11:27:36 PM »
Not bad.  But I prefer these:  http://www.curlingshoes.com/icewalk.htm

The Ashams, I'd rock those and smoke you all, fools on the ice, who wants to put down money, what?

39
General Off-Topic Board / Re: Immigration Is Destroying California ?
« on: August 19, 2004, 11:08:34 PM »
Giraffe205:

Girl.  You are too fine.  You're so fine, I'd smoke yo' toejam, lol...

Y su escritura es fuerte, claro.  ¿Usted no tiene un hombre para ofrecerle la distracción de esta arena?  WTF?!?  ¿Dónde está este hombre?  Exijo saber, lol.  Mi español es muy malo; tomé solo dos clases mientras que en universidad, pero su tolerancia y belleza ha inspirado mi memoria del lenguaje, damn, checkitout.

Vaya con dios, you fine mf, lol...

40
Ahem, not to get off topic but are all the women in this thread fine, or what?  Lawdhamercy, lol...

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