« on: October 16, 2007, 03:31:04 PM »
You just use way too many unnecessarily big words. "in order to substantiate an informed integrity with the knowledge I gained" is just terribly awkward sounding. Write from you heart, not from ms word's thesaurus. Keep in mind that many of the best writers and thinkers in the universe write quite simply. Remember, you want to present your ideas, you don't want to be a show-off. Further, the use of such awkward vocab makes you seem like you are trying to sound smart. When an adcom reads this, s/he will notice this, which in fact contrbutes to cynicism regarding your actual intelligence. I'm sure you could do better. Best of luck!