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Personal Statement / Re: *****Please read PS first draft*****
« on: August 12, 2012, 04:17:46 PM »
I think the topic will work. However I would fix a few things
1. There are many sentences that need restructuring. Content of the sentences is good but could be worded better. (I.E. "The excellent communication skills that I have developed, whether during an intense situation on the clinical side of healthcare or in dealings with hospital administration on the opposite side is a key component to a successful career in law") this sentence doesnt really make since...
2. You use some words that are innapropriate for what you are trying to say (I.E. "her priorities were aligned differently") ("to hone my communicative abilities") try something like "her priorities were elsewhere" and "to hone my communication skills"
"No matter how much you try not to, you take those experiences home with you. On the clinical side during a sad time like that, you feel helpless. I did not want to find myself in those situations for the rest of my working life, so I decided to venture out and gain some experience on the business side of healthcare. "
^^^
3. I dont like how you say you dont want to have a career where the thoughts and such will follow you home and interrupt your home life. Admissions commitees will likely believe that the law profession does follow you home, and will probably think you are getting into the wrong business if you think otherwise.
Overall, I would read the sentences really carefully to make sure they are very clear to those reading. Focus on appropriate verb and adjective usage, and sentence structure.
1. There are many sentences that need restructuring. Content of the sentences is good but could be worded better. (I.E. "The excellent communication skills that I have developed, whether during an intense situation on the clinical side of healthcare or in dealings with hospital administration on the opposite side is a key component to a successful career in law") this sentence doesnt really make since...
2. You use some words that are innapropriate for what you are trying to say (I.E. "her priorities were aligned differently") ("to hone my communicative abilities") try something like "her priorities were elsewhere" and "to hone my communication skills"
"No matter how much you try not to, you take those experiences home with you. On the clinical side during a sad time like that, you feel helpless. I did not want to find myself in those situations for the rest of my working life, so I decided to venture out and gain some experience on the business side of healthcare. "
^^^
3. I dont like how you say you dont want to have a career where the thoughts and such will follow you home and interrupt your home life. Admissions commitees will likely believe that the law profession does follow you home, and will probably think you are getting into the wrong business if you think otherwise.
Overall, I would read the sentences really carefully to make sure they are very clear to those reading. Focus on appropriate verb and adjective usage, and sentence structure.
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