« on: January 14, 2006, 05:01:49 PM »
First, thanks to everyone for their input. I have done a great deal of soul searching, praying, thinking, and I have consulted a number of anecdotal accounts of people who have been through similar situations. My decision (judgment!) is to stay the course. My rationale is two-fold.
First, in the event that my cumulative is above at least a 1.8 by the end of the 1L year, I have the liberty of petitioning/appealing the powers that be to be placed on academic probation. Given my current situation, that means that provided I do no worse, I at least have a shot at remaining. It really can't get much worse than this.
Second, I am making the changes. I've been sober for awhile now, and I've never felt better. I am getting help and I'm getting reacquainted with my religion. I know that, even if law school doesn't work out for whatever reason, be it academic, financial, or otherwise, if I adhere to a sense of morals and stop lieing to myself about my mistakes, things will work themselves out for the best. In summation, I've put it in the hands of a higher power - and I am trying to practice what I preach, if you'll forgive the colloquialism. For the first time in seemingly ages, my mind is clear. I can deal with stress in new ways, ways that were once available to me before I let this malady stricken me. I've consulted practicing attorneys with whom I am acquainted, and they seem to agree that, provided I stay my course of sobriety and religion, and do what it is I say I'm going to do, everything will be alright.
Sure, I may not get an illustrious summer job, I may not get the best job out of law school given my situation. Life's tough, wear a helmet - but I don't feel like I need one anymore. My helmet was alcohol, and now that I'm getting stronger by the day, I don't need the crap anymore. I see people around me who stay the course they're on, and it's nothing but a stairway to some eventual personal hell. For me, there's still time to change the road I'm on. I was asked to "go out," and without hesitation I refused. If I'm going to do this, it's going to be 100%. And you know what, if it doesn't work out, maybe its the best thing that has ever happened to me. Regarding the whole job situation, it is my understanding the the legal profession has numerous opportunities for upward mobility. I would like to work in government law (bill drafting, party counsel, conference negotiations, etc.) and I already have contacts in the field. It's not the best paying specialization, but it is something that I feel like and that I would be happy doing for a career.
I'm not going to wax what some may call religious diatribe upon anyone, but a higher power has made its presence known once again in my life. You might think I'm crazy, and maybe I am, but for the first time in awhile I'm completely happy with my life. I'm moderately overweight, and I'm living my life healthier. I've quit smoking - and it's like a second wind. I'm hitting the gym, and watching my eating habits. I'm drinking tons of water instead of soda and alcohol now, for the sake of my kidneys and liver. The military remains an option in both the near and distant future - not for somehow weening me off alcohol (I no longer need it for that), but rather in the event that the worst happens. I'll end up an officer by virtue of having a college degree, at the very least. I will probably be in suitable financial shape sooner or later what with the options offered therein. This, however, is only a contingency. No matter what happens, I'm still here, I'm still alive, even if I'm living on a prayer.
Now, it's easy to talk the talk, and I know this better than anyone. If, however, I come out of all of this, I will have not only a new found confidence, but a better understanding, a better outlook on life. My main demons at this point are obvious - from the major to the most trivial, such as procrastination and half-ass attempts. I see people who read hornbooks and high court summaries in the 5 minutes before class. I'm reading my casebooks over and over again. I love this stuff, and while it may sound cliche, there's a part of me that wants to fight for justice. If I end up in the area of criminal law as a public defender or prosecutor, maybe that is what I was meant to do. I thought about why I wanted to be a lawyer in the first place, and without getting too personal, let's just say I've seen injustices firsthand.
In summation, I'm changing. I'm 23 years old now, and it's time for me to stop being a kid. All of the crap from undergrad and high school is over, and the people in life who I thought were my friends are no longer around. It's time to associate with better people and leave the losers behind. I'm changing my playmates, play places, and playthings to the best of my current ability. Regarding the entire living situation, I now basically sleep there and nothing more. I've moved into a rather cozy cubicle in a distant corner of the library and have begun to assimilate into the cubicle culture that will no doubt plague me in some oddly redeeming fashion for the rest of my life. It would not be advantageous for me to move at this point now that I'm back in full swing in terms of law school. Besides, if I let my living situation influence me, I'm no better than those people. The funny thing is that during character and fitness, if the topic comes up, I'm going to be completely truthful about myself -- and about them. I'm taking responsibility for my own actions, and I'm ready to face the day. Let's do this. Now, back to Yeazell's wonderful civil procedure text.