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Messages - BenjaminF

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Studying for the LSAT / Writing Sample Critique, Please
« on: January 13, 2011, 11:48:08 AM »
I'm posting (anonymously) in the hopes of getting some feedback on my writing sample. I'm hardly an author and by the time I've slogged through the question sections I suspect my coherency is pretty abysmal, so all concrit will be much appreciated! This is the sample for PrepTest 16, and I tried to transcribe exactly what I'd written, spelling errors and all.
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Zelmar Corporation should preferentially choose to move its offices to the new downtown location, as it can be leveraged into achieving the corporation's two goals: employee retention and increased profits.

In terms of retaining employees, choosing the downtown location will likely acheive this. With its proximity to the former office location employees will not have to significantly rearrange their transit schedule to accomodate the new site, and the accesibility of public transit (subway line) guarantees this. In addition, employees will benefit by not being forced to pay vehicle maintenance/use costs in order to commute to work. The downtown location will be attractive to the many corporation employees with young children who can make use of the nearby daycare centre. Diverse restuarants and shopping locations downtown make the site a preferable choice also as Zelmar's employees will be able to develop a strong raport with the local business and cultural community. This is a point of importance if Zelmar wishes to continue drawing clients from the general area. Segueing in to the financial benefits of remaining downtown; the new 'open-concept' office downtown may require a shift in office culture that will benefit the advertising company by promoting increased employee interaction and cooperation. In addition, the company's proximity to clients makes outreach easier and simplifies meetings, while sharing a locale will position Zelmar to clearly meet client requirements.

In contrast, the suburban location is likely to result in employee loss and financial losses. The net benefit in savings through rental costs will be born by employees who will have to put their salaries into commuting costs. Cheaper cafeteria food may not compare in quality to the downtown restaurants and will likely not be appropriate for client meetings. In addition, by distancing itself physically from its downtown client base, Zelmar risks losing its rapport with local business owners--its clients--an event that bodes ill for its annual fiscal profits. Employees may also be wary of trusting their children to the as yet non-existant daycare in the suburban complex.

In summary, Zelmar would do well to focus on shifting its corporate culture to a more collaborative approach in the new downtown location than to jeopardise both its client base (and thus fiscal well-being) and employee satisfaction, by moving to an isolated suburban site.


 

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