I want to make a topic thread for Headmachine.
I want to thank Headmachine for his website entry on 5.1.04.
I randomly clicked over to your website and when I read this, I started sobbing at work here at my desk, where I have tried all day to keep my tears inside.
Why? Because the author of this could be him. The recipient could be me. I thought all along there was something wrong with me that I couldn't make this work. I love him so much and yet it just won't work. IT JUST WON'T.
And I am so frustrated and sad and I'm pouring my heart out here on LSD because I can't stop crying and I can't just be OK with everything and I can't just look ahead and be excited for the future and I can't just believe things are for the best and I can't just think that he's a jerk and I am perfect and I can't know deep down that someday someone else will make me laugh just as much and make me cry less and I can't just let go of him in my heart where this hurts the most.
I will never understand the mystery of loving someone. I will never understand why hearing this song that's on right now can drive me to tears. I can never understand how where there is no blood there is such pain. I can never understand how time heals everything and yet the hours are not helping.
I just don't get it. And I'm so f-ing sad I don't know what to do with myself.
So thank you, headmachine, thank you for that because I needed to know that someone else knew what it felt like to be in this situation. I needed someone to articulate it for me. I needed to know that as alone as I feel right now, others have gotten through it and while it is far from what's "for the best", it's not the worst thing. The worst thing today. Tomorrow. Probably next week ... but not forever.