Law School Discussion

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In this thread, you get to know maddlibs.  He's awesome and funny.  Just ask and he'll tell you something funny and cool.  He can also break into cars (he used to be a repo man and I was supposed to do a tv show about it once, like 8 years ago, but I flaked).

"Baby Got Consideration"
Kevin Powers, current law clerk, Mass. Appeals Court.
To the tune of "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot

[Valley Girl - Introduction]

Oh my God, client, look at that reliance.
It is SO big.
It looks like one of those bargained-for exchanges.
Who understands those bargained-for exchanges?
They only induce reliance because the offeree is a total consumer.
I mean, they just RELY.
I can't believe, they just don't REVOKE.
They just, they just, they just- they just ACCEPT!

[Sir Contracts-A-Lot]

[Verse 1]

I like contracts and I cannot lie
You other 1-L's can't deny
That when an offer is made, accepted, not delayed
I tell you that offer's tough
To breach with reliance binding
Revocation that court ain't finding
A promise that they're swearin'
Both parties get hooked and they'll be performing, Oh

Merchant, I want to counter-offer
And accept proper
My attorney told me be quiet
But those goods you've got (They make me reliant)

Ooh, goods were sold
You say delivery's on hold?
Well remedy, now remedy,
'cause you ain't no average promisee.

I'll be inspectin'
To hell with rejectin'
Defects are fat, I hate that
Substantial impairments make you a rat

I'm tired of offerees
Sayin' perfection ain't what I need
Take a reasonable man
Expect and plan
He's got a remedy

So merchants! (Yeah?)
Merchants! (Yeah?)
Do you deal in goods of the kind? (Hell yeah!)
Then disclaim it!
Disclaim it!
Disclaim that warranty!
Baby got consideration.

[Verse 2]

I like implied,
Express,
And when I'm selling you goods I just can't help myself,
I'll add merchantability,
But don't you handle them

And when you get them home,
You're gonna use those goods,
And yeah- just accept!
THOSE!
GOODS!

I ain't talkin' 'bout Corbin,
'Cause common law rules ain't made for sale!

I want a Code so dense and lucid,
So find that lucid section,
That contract's in trouble,
Induce reliance on the double.

So I'm lookin' at Statute Of Frauds,
Signed in writing quantity,
You can have firm offers,
I'll keep my offers held over.

A word to the postal senders:
I want to get with ya.
And offer to ya.
But I've gotta be straight when I say I use the
Mailbox Rule so you won't do wrong.

Those merchants got it goin' on,
But the prof won't like this song,
'Cause hornbooks like to state the blackletter,
And I'd rather read the case.
So now tender,
And accept,
'Cause I want to get this contract on.

So offerees? (Yeah!)
Offerees? (Yeah!)
Do you know how I'll stop acceptance? (Yeah!)
Reject it,
Counter-offer,
Revocation or a death,
Baby got consideration.

[Spoken Verse]

Baby got consideration!
Yeah, merchant.
When it comes to battles of forms,
Your terms ain't got nothin' to my selection!
Counter-offer, rejection, not acceptance?
Only if they're not merchants in goods of the kind!

[Verse 3]

So does past consideration,
Affirm a promisor's obligation?
Well not if obligation was to promisor's relation.

That anaconda merchant's dumb if he don't disclaim, hon.

You can do reliance or estoppel,
But please just you contract.

Some merchants want to play a little hardball,
And tell you that the goods were sold.
Well then toss it,
Leave it!
But give notice so he'll retrieve it!

So contract says to pay,
But the statute says no way!
'Cause you didn't promise,
To pay all debts,
And I'm thinkin' 'bout binding
To the words "I want to pay,"
So the statute goes away!
Give me your debt,
'Cause I'll get,
Your voluntary acknowledgement.

Some knucklehead tried to breach,
An accord but these laws teach,
That you can't claim an accord will,
Satisfy without nonfungibles.
And I want my punitives.

So merchants if the failure's big,
Essential purpose failed, pig!
Then you'll give me remedy
 From the UCC sections.
And kick those remedies back.

Baby got consideration.