I've become very pissed off at Cornell and was thinking about what I will do if I am finally accepted there.  Cornell’s status check page has said "Decision" since late December.  I'm thinking if I am ever accepted I will send this series of letters to Cornell over a 6 week period.

Week 1:
Dear Cornell,
I have received your admissions offer.  Thank you for your offer.  Please note that I have received many excellent offers this year and cannot accept all of them.  Each offer will be looked at individually. 
I will send a letter when I have reached my decision.
Again thank you for your interest in me as a student.
Me

Week 2:
Dear Cornell,
It has come to my attention that your file is incomplete for the following reasons:
You lack a scholarship offer.
Please send the missing documents to me as soon as possible.
Thank you,
Me

Week 3:
Dear Cornell,
Your acceptance offer is now complete.  Please understand that my decision making process can take up to 6 weeks from completion date.  Please do not call and badger me.
Thank you,
Me

Week 4:
Dear Cornell,
I have reached a decision.
Me

Week 5:
Dear Cornell,
I still have a decision.  Please wait another week before I tell you what it is. 
Me

Week 6:
Dear Cornell,
I regret to inform you that I have accepted an offer elsewhere.  Perhaps you should have included a better scholarship offer with your file.  Please understand that half of my reason for applying to your school was to state that I had been accepted at an Ivy League law school.
In the future try not to screw around with applications for 2 months for no reason at all.
thank you,
Me