This board is always clogged with annoying questions from recently admitted students, who now count themselves as 1L's and believe that they should post here. So, to cut down on the amount of useless threads asking the same questions, I will do it all in one post....

(1) I can't decide between School A and School B. I have looked at the statistics, and rankings, have talked to current students and faculty, and have sat in on classes at both places. Yet, because I am a mindless drone with the attention span of a fruit fly and cannot make adult decisions for myself, I will ask complete strangers on an anonymous message board to decide the course of my life over the next three years. HELP!

Answer: Grow up and make a d**mn decision for yourself. I know mommy, daddy, and your academic advisor have made the overwelming difficult choices for you during undergrad, but you need to grow a set (either upstairs or downstairs) and decide for yourself. If you come to the realization that you still cannot do it, then don't go to law school. You'd be better off working a Burger King, where the most difficult question to answer, is "can I get a king-size fry, but medium drink?"

(2) I live an extremely boring and unproductive life. Due to this fact, I will not be participating in the fun filled activities of normal humans my age during summer. Rather, I will be cracking the books. Would you recommend taking a pre-law review class or reading a 1L book or studying with prep guides or listening to audio tapes, this summer?

Answer: I would recommend removing the giant pole from your anus, throwing on your grandfather's favorite Hawaii 5O shirt, grabbing a six pack from the local Piggly Wiggly, pick up your best friend, and head for the beach. If this is not an option, because you are a hopeless loser who doesn't have a friend or a car, is too nervous to buy alcoholic beverages because "I've never done it before", and are so lame that your grandfather would not allow his favorite shirt to be caught dead on your body---just play some dungeons and dragons or post on law school message boards all summer. The point is, do whatever relaxes you.

(3) I want to be the most technologically advanced law student in the history of academia. I am looking to buy a laptop built with wireless internet, endless storage capacity, computer to computer voice mechanisms, web cameras, CD burner, scanner, note writing software, exam taking software, outline making software, and nuclear missle launch codes. What is the best brand?

Answer: The kind that has Word, spider solitaire, and a long lasting battery . . because that's all you're gonna need.

(4) How do you brief?

Answer: You'll find out during orientation how its SUPPOSED to be done. Then you'll spend endless agonizing hours trying it for yourself during the first few weeks of school. Then you'll get called on for the first time and get smoked by the prof because your brief didn't do male private part to help you answer his questions. Finally, about 3/4 of the way through first semester, you'll realize that you are better served reading the cases carefully, highlighting important points, and making small notes in the margins.

(5) When should I start preparing for the bar? I hear the sooner the better!

Answer: Dude, you don't have any idea what terms like res judicata, promissory estoppel, or res ipsa loquitor mean. You can't break down a statute, synthesize a rule, or make case comparison/distinctions. You wouldn't recognize a regional reporter if it hit you in the face. And you still think Shephardizing is when a shaggy dog chases sheep around a grassy field. What makes you think that you would have any idea on where to begin preparing for licensing exam which will be the most important test of your life? Take it easy, focus on get through first semester without dropping out, then go visit your Bar/bri rep at table days. Oh, and take your checkbook.

I have more, but my wrists are tired. If anyone can come up with some other run of the mill questions, feel free to post. . . .