Law School Discussion

Stupid Jokes: So Bad They're Good

Re: Stupid Jokes: So Bad They're Good
« Reply #240 on: July 18, 2007, 10:59:35 PM »
Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest male private part," he says. "Okay," they all agree.

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow, that thing is huge!" they exclaim.

That night, eating dinner at home, the African American's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ...and during recess, my friends and I played "Let's see who has the largest male private part."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother.

"Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm black. Is that true, Mom?"

The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three."

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Re: Stupid Jokes: So Bad They're Good
« Reply #241 on: July 18, 2007, 11:01:41 PM »
Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest male private part," he says. "Okay," they all agree.

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow, that thing is huge!" they exclaim.

That night, eating dinner at home, the African American's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ...and during recess, my friends and I played "Let's see who has the largest male private part."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother.

"Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm black. Is that true, Mom?"

The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three."


 :D :D

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Re: Stupid Jokes: So Bad They're Good
« Reply #242 on: July 18, 2007, 11:26:32 PM »
Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest male private part," he says. "Okay," they all agree.

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow, that thing is huge!" they exclaim.

That night, eating dinner at home, the African American's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ...and during recess, my friends and I played "Let's see who has the largest male private part."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother.

"Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm black. Is that true, Mom?"

The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three."



This is far and away the funniest joke Ive ever heard

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Re: Stupid Jokes: So Bad They're Good
« Reply #243 on: August 02, 2007, 08:01:31 AM »
>> Three little ducks go into a bar.......................... ..
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> "Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
>>
>> "Huey," was the reply.
>>
>> "How's your day been, Huey?"
>>
>>
>> "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day.
>> What else could a duck want?" said Huey.
>>
>> "Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck,
>> "Hi, and what's your name ?"
>>
>>
>> "Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
>>
>> "So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.
>>
>>
>> "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too.  Been in and out of puddles
>> all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
>>
>> The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be
Louie?"
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> >>>
>>> "No," she said, batting her eyelashes.
>>>
>>> "My name is Puddles."     :D :D :D

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Re: Stupid Jokes: So Bad They're Good
« Reply #244 on: August 22, 2007, 03:15:07 PM »
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to @#!* your brains out, and suck your unmentionables dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."




As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".


How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.



A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

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Re: Stupid Jokes: So Bad They're Good
« Reply #245 on: August 22, 2007, 03:16:27 PM »
This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her female private part. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight female private part!".



A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"



A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin." The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before." The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"


On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

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Re: Stupid Jokes: So Bad They're Good
« Reply #246 on: September 19, 2007, 04:06:54 AM »
True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

"The moral of this story is:"

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

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Re: Stupid Jokes: So Bad They're Good
« Reply #247 on: November 21, 2007, 05:23:33 PM »
http://www.bubblejive.com/funny-moments-for-doctors

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by! Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six ours and now I'm running out of places to put It!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion She answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar MeyerWiener'!".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name

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Re: Stupid Jokes: So Bad They're Good
« Reply #248 on: December 03, 2007, 04:23:10 AM »
On a chain of beautiful islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded - each group is stranded on their own island.
 
Two Italian men and one Italian woman
 
Two French men and one French woman
 
Two German men and one German woman
 
Two Greek men and one Greek woman
 
Two English men and one English woman
 
Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
 
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
 
Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
 
Two Irish men and one Irish woman
 
Two American men and one American woman
 
 
 
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
 
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
 
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois.
 
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
 
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
 
The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
 
The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.
 
The two Canadians have faxed Ottawa and are awaiting legislation.
 
The two Chinese have opened a convenience store, restaurant, laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.
 
The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they are satisfied because the English aren't having any fun.
 
The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, how her relationship with her mother is the root of all her problems and why didn't they bring a damn cell phone so she could call 911 and get them all rescued off this Godforsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping.